Not Ashamed...?

For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes, for the Jew first and also for the Greek. Romans 1:16 NKJV You know, this has always been one of my favorite Bible verses. We started a study on the book of Romans at church recently & as this scripture passage was discussed, I was prompted to ask myself, "Do I live for GOD unashamedly?" I've been pondering this for some time & I've decided I do OK in some area & fail miserably in others. I suppose that is normal for us as human beings, but I'm not satisfied with being "OK" or "normal" in my Christian life. I want to do more, be more, love more, serve more--just be Jesus to those I come in contact with. I've lived a good life for the most part. I made some bad choices in my young years that I wish I could have a do over on, but GOD still saw fit to use them in some way. I was blessed to raise 3 children, 2 biological & 1 step, but I've always simply said I had 3 kids. I wasn't always the best role model or a perfect parent for them & I made a lot of mistakes over the years (more things I wish I could do over). They've seen much of my bad side, but I pray what they remember is the good part in years to come. In spite of all my failures, they've grown & matured into fine young people of whom I am proud. I recall my grandmother (Granny to us & all our friends who came to visit) claiming me for ministry when I was 8 years old. In my mind, I see us standing in the kitchen of her old house & tears of praise and happiness streaming down her cheeks as she proclaimed that I would someday be a great man of GOD & that He would use me in some way to minister to others. I received that proclamation with great fear--ministry was never a vocation I considered for myself. Almost immediately, I began running from that calling. In just a few years time, my running took me down a path that involved drugs, alcohol & women. Those things have been the downfall of many & but for the grace of GOD & His plan for my life, I could easily have become a statistic & cut my life short through my own stupidity. Through all of it, GOD had His hand of protection on me. He still planned to use not only me, but the very sins I had committed against Him, in ministry. There is little of this world that hasn't touched my life in some way. But, GOD still calls me His child & in a time of great distress, when I thought all was lost & I had no hope--I called out to Him. He should have turned His back on me as I had Him--but He reached out to me, saved me, cleansed me, and put me back on the path He had planned for me. True, I had taken a detour from the planned route but He still planned to use me. There have been a lot of twists & turns along the path but I try to walk this life one day at a time, trusting Him for my needs. I never imagined I'd find myself single & alone at this point in my life but I'm also accepting that as part of GOD's plan. People tell me I should marry again but I'm not sure about that. I had a horrific first marriage, but a wonderful second marriage. I don't think I'll ever duplicate the good one & I certainly would rather be alone that take a chance of duplicating the bad one. For now, I'll just be me & leave it at that. Slowly, I feel I am finding purpose once again in life. I have some concerns about my ability to continue doing the type of work I do with my back issues--but, once again I'll just have to trust GOD with that and continue moving forward. Regardless as to what the future holds, I pray I'll live unashamedly for GOD & proclaim Him wherever I go. I'd like to please GOD & do Granny proud. I appreciate your prayers! Blessings! Tony