Moving Forward--Trying to anyway...

Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. Even so, I will defend my own ways before Him. He also shall be my salvation, For a hypocrite could not come before Him. Job 13:15-16 NKJV

I've been feeling a bit Job-ish lately. It seems that my life has been basically put on hold while I try to adjust to my newfound singleness. All the plans I had for my life were "we" plans. They included my wife. Her passing has left a huge hole in my life. We had hopes & dreams and plans for our golden years. Somehow, trying to readjust to life without her just seems wrong in my mind. I don't seem to have much of a purpose anymore.

I know that will change with time as I accept my life for what it is and allow GOD to open & close the appropriate doors to guide me where He chooses to lead. But for the time being, I simply wait. In my mind, I can see Job sitting in sackcloth & ashes mourning his loss. I can relate to him--I know of nothing I could have done differently. I try to live for GOD. I confess my many shortcomings to Him daily. I spend time in prayer & Bible reading every day of my life. Still I'm presently at a loss as to what my life goals should be anymore.

Dee & I had planned to retire to the country. I had hopes for a workshop, a garden, a flock of chickens--just living the simple life and enjoying our life together. I was sure GOD would lead me to a small country church to serve in some capacity. These were things I was certain I had heard from Him. Maybe the country church will still be. Maybe I was off-base with my plans. Possibly there is something altogether different in store for me.

Still, I trust Him. Still, I seek His guidance & direction daily. Wherever He leads, I'll go. I have trusted Him for years & I will not turn my back on Him now. I don't understand this turn my life has taken but I know He uses all things (Romans 8:28) for good. I'll not be a hypocrite, I will follow Him all the days of my life regardless as to how many or few may remain. I'll continue to live for Him & want nothing more than to show the way down the road of life for others and point them to Him.

GOD, keep me ever in the center of Your perfect will in spite of myself...

Blessings!
Tony