Grief Continued...

"I am troubled, I am bowed down greatly; I go mourning all the day long. For my loins are full of inflammation, And there is no soundness in my flesh. I am feeble and severely broken; I groan because of the turmoil of my heart. For I am ready to fall, And my sorrow is continually before me." Psalm 38:6-8, 17 NKJV

I wish I could say things have gotten easier for me. They haven't. Few moments pass that I don't think about my wife, her zeal for life, her desire to serve, her love for GOD and His people. She possessed so many wonderful attributes. She touched so many lives--mine most of all.

In High School, she was a cheerleader. In life, she was also a cheerleader. She always pulled for the underdog, she befriended the friendless, she was a great encourager. Bless her heart, she bragged on me as if I was something special. 2-3 times a week, I found a note of encouragement in my lunch, folded in my bath towel, left on my pillow. She gave me way more credit than I deserved. However, in her eyes, I was special & that made me feel special--as if I could accomplish anything. She saw me through love's eyes, she had great faith in me and was willing to support me in whatever I chose to do, wherever I chose to go. Never have I known so great a love, other than that of GOD Himself.

Not too long ago, I found several cards she had given me over the years. Needless to say, I sat & wept as I read all the sweet things she wrote to me. I hear songs that remind me of her. I see her personality in the home we shared. We both loved the outdoors, so I think about her when I'm out in nature. It's something I can't escape--nor do I want to. I know time will soften the pain I feel but I never want to forget our life together or erase her from my mind. We shared something special & I know GOD brought us together for a reason--even if only for a short season.

Sorrow can be overwhelming. It is like a storm--it hits without warning and leaves disaster behind. I can be going about my business doing relatively well and suddenly it is as if someone has punched me in the gut and knocked the wind out of me. It may last a few minutes, a few hours or sometimes a few days, leaving me feeling lifeless. Slowly, it passes & I return to some degree of normalcy once again--until the next storm comes. Grief and mourning truly are a process--one that takes time. How long? Only GOD knows...

Still the same, I saw Dee suffer so. I know she isn't in pain any longer. I know she's in Heaven. I know she's rejoicing. I'm a little jealous in some ways. But the hardest part is I know I must continue on without her until my earthly life is done. I know GOD has a purpose for me but I long for my reunion with her...

That's where I am for now. I covet your prayers!

Blessings!
Tony