Don't do Life Alone...

I wish I could tell you all that I'm some kind of spiritual superman, but I'm not. I've made more poor choices in life than I care to recall or you have time to hear. But, I'll give some highlights of my life still the same. I was born into an average middle-class family, the youngest of 3 children. We didn't have a lot but I guess we really didn't realize it. I mean, we had the necessities--food, clothing & shelter--but we were far from well-off. My father worked and my mother was a stay-at-home mom--pretty much your typical Ozzie & Harriet type household. I grew up in church--went to Sunday School, Vacation Bible School, was part of the youth group. I went to public school the first 4 years & then to a private, Christian School where I graduated. So, I was exposed to GOD's Word regularly. As a matter of fact, when I was 8 years old, my grandmother--who incidentally was the godliest woman I ever knew--claimed me for ministry. Now, I gotta tell you, the thought of being a preacher didn't appeal to me in the least--as a matter of fact, the very idea terrified me. So, what did I do? I began running from it. I decided that I could make my own way in life and turned my back on the church--and GOD. I took a path that lead me through much pain & heartache, but it was the road I chose. I was always somewhat mature for my age so consequently I hung out with "friends" who were 2-3 years older than me. As a result, I was introduced to a lot at an early age--smoking, drinking, drugs & sex. At 19, my girlfriend informed me she was pregnant. Wanting to "do the right thing" and wanting to be part of my child's life, I married her. The baby turned out to be twins--a boy & a girl--so at 20, I was married with 2 children. The marriage was a disaster & we knew it early on. It was far from a match made in Heaven & certainly not the way I had pictured my life. To deal with the pain & frustration in my life, I drank. The more miserable & upset I was, the more I drank. I became a full-fledged but functioning alcoholic. When I wasn't a work, I was drinking. The friends I hung out with drank--the coworkers I socialized with after work drank. Alcohol seemed to take over my life and would prove to be my worst demon. In my rebellion, I knew what I was doing was wrong & I knew that GOD had a purpose for my life but the path He had for me seemed too difficult so I refused to surrender my life to Him. About that time, GOD allowed a new friend & coworker to enter my life--in the form of a Baptist preacher. Like GOD, he was able to look past the ugliness of my sin. He visited my home, he knew my family and he welcomed me into his home and life. He was very plain-spoken and brutally honest with me about my situation. It took some time but he eventually made me see the error of my ways & led me to the Lord. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." I was a new person & I was excited about what GOD had done for me. I was telling everyone how good GOD is. Unfortunately, my wife did not share my excitement but, I was sure I could win her over. I began attending church again & took my children along. I made new Christian friends. I was baptized and once again, I knew GOD desired me to serve Him. I surrendered my life to Him & publicly acknowledged that I was called to ministry. As you can imagine, I met with strong opposition at home. I was told if I chose to follow this craziness, it would be alone because she had no desire to be a part of it. I trudged along, determined to do what I felt GOD was calling me to do. I quoted Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" frequently and took on more in the church than I really should have. I began working with the children's & youth ministries, joined the church choir, got involved in a Sunday School class & took the lead of the church's men's ministry. I prayed, asking GOD to change the situation in hopes she would feel compelled to join me. She never did. Although looking back I can see there were signs, I was blind to them at the time. She became involved in an extra-marital affair with a co-worker & left despite my efforts to convince her otherwise. So, after 15 years of marriage, I was a single dad raising two teenagers alone and now wearing the label of "divorced" in the church where I had served faithfully. Church people can be hurtful at times & often shoot their wounded. I was approached by one of of the Deacons who informed me that the church had never had a divorced staff member & never would as long as he had any say in the matter. Admittedly, I was far from perfect but to my understanding divorce was not the unpardonable sin--especially when I had not initiated it. Although many people there were kind and understanding, I soon found I no longer fit into the church family I was a part of. Slowly, I began to step back from the various positions I had taken and began seeking spiritual food elsewhere. I became involved in several area ministries for single & single again adults and eventually joined another church that had an active single adult ministry. Dee & I met in that singles group and found we had much in common. We became good friends although we only socialized in group activities as neither of us were particularly looking for a relationship. Having both been previously married to unfaithful spouses, we were leery of marriage. Over time, our relationship grew & we decided to marry. We encountered difficulties but we knew GOD was in it so we persevered. GOD guided and protected us through many trials. Financially, we struggled but GOD saw to it that we never did without and we remained faithful to Him. The children left home to pursue their own lives & we thought we would travel, minister and enjoy life as empty-nesters. We moved to a new town through a job transfer, served as youth leaders & were active in the various ministries of our church there. Then, there was an automobile accident that left Dee with serious back & neck injuries. she had surgeries, used a walker, then a cane and finally was able to walk on her own again. Once again, we were ready to continue on with our lives. We moved again through a job transfer, this time to Daphne. I enrolled in classes through the local Baptist Association's Samford Extension where I completed a certificate program and we both took courses in Biblical Counseling with the intention of using that as a ministry to others. We had plans to retire to the country & live a life of service & ministry in our golden years. Dee struggled with health issues for some time & they eventually claimed her life on May 4, 2011. The past few years have been hard but through it all GOD has sustained me. While I don't understand it all, I know He has a plan for me and I'm waiting to see what doors He chooses to open or close. I recently discovered a passage in Psalms that has offered me reassurance. It's Psalm 57:1-2 which reads, "Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me! For my soul trusts in You; And in the shadow of Your wings I will make my refuge, Until these calamities have passed by. I will cry out to God Most High, To God who performs all things for me." I was immediately drawn to the "all things" because I claim Romans 8:28 as my life verse. I've come to the conclusion that GOD allowed my life as it has been for a purpose, because I can relate and show compassion to mankind without judgment as I've lived so much of it myself. So, rest assured that GOD has a plan for whatever it is you are dealing with today. None of us are perfect, but GOD loves us in spite of ourselves. We are who we are because of the life experiences we have. GOD uses those experiences, whether good or bad to help mold & shape us into who He wants us to become. Don't try to do life alone, partner with a friend who will hold you accountable and who you can talk openly with. Most of all--give your life to GOD & let Him lead in ALL THINGS...