"Thanksgrieving"

"Make a joyful shout to the Lord, all you lands! Serve the Lord with gladness; Come before His presence with singing. Know that the Lord, He is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves; We are His people and the sheep of His pasture. Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, And into His courts with praise. Be thankful to Him, and bless His name. For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting, And His truth endures to all generations." Psalm 100 NKJV

Well, here it is--Thanksgiving morning--yet another "first" in my life since Dee passed away. If I am honest, I'd have to say I'm struggling to be thankful today. Don't misunderstand that--I am grateful for GOD's blessings in my life, and there are many. It just feels like a part of me is missing. Part of me went into that grave last May--a piece of my heart that I'll never possess again in this lifetime.

Still, I have much to express thanks for. I have a loving family, great & supportive friends, I'm relatively healthy for an old guy, I'm part of an awesome church family and most of all--I am a child of the King! I smile as I think of those things yet it all seems overshadowed by a cloud of loss. I miss spending the holiday with my wife. We typically visited with her family on Thanksgiving Day & usually planned a little getaway for the two of us afterwards. While the memories are wonderful, the pain of losing her is still fresh...

I remind myself that I should really be thankful about her homegoing. She was so sick for so long--it was a terrible struggle for her. Still the same--she put on a smile & ventured out into the world as much as possible, loving & being loved by those she came in contact with. Few knew how difficult it was for her--she didn't want pity, she wanted to share life & share GOD with those around her. She was a kind & loving soul. I know she's celebrating Thanksgiving every day in the presence of our Savior. The thought of that makes me somewhat happy--sort of bittersweet at best.

I'm trying to make the choice daily to be grateful for the time & the life we shared together, rather than being bitter about her being taken from me so soon. We shared something that few find in this world, we were happy and we were in love with one another and jointly in love with GOD. I go back to my life verse, "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28) I helps me remember that GOD truly uses all things and all events/circumstances in our lives for good and also to shape us into the person we are to be in His Kingdom.

I still don't know what the future holds in store--maybe ministry, maybe missions, maybe just living out life & offering support and direction for those dealing with life's harsh realities. Regardless, I am in GOD's Army for the long haul, for whatever time remains of my earthly life. For now, all I can do is take life one day at a time & attempt to live out another of my favorite Scriptures, Micah 6:8 "And what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, To love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?"

Happy Thanksgiving! Remember to let those you love know it and give GOD thanks for His blessings & provision in your life...

Blessings!
Tony